Bj's Crowd

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been around much lately. Lots has been going on and I have been through lots of things personally in the last few months. I am going to try to stay in better touch and hope you will join us tomorrow for chat!

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I do not have DID, and I guess you would categorize me as a "Singleton". I have however found the love of my life, who does have D.I.D. She was diagnosed after we had been working on our own for about 8 months, with no idea what DID was or even that it existed as a diagnosis. She had no clue what this was, or what was happening. She was losing time, hearing voices in her head, not knowing what was happening to her at all. I was not turned away meeting the first couple of Girls. We met online and I could tell the differences. I felt that everyone has different "facets" of themselves, and you manifest them depending on what you are doing. You may be very professional at work, or very fun doing something you like, or someone who is uncomfortable to be around in situations you don't like. EVERYONE does this. In her case, I just thought the "facets" were more pronounced, and each has thier own name and personality. I chooose to accept her, and them as they were. Initially we discovered how each personality was "born". Usually through some type of trama, though not always, some are "caretakers" without thier own trauma. We shared the memories of many of the trama's, I kept them safe while they remembered, she would then remember what the personality had stored away for her, and they would both heal afterwards. Usually sleeping very heavily the next day or days depending on how many traumatic incidents that personality had. In our case, ALL the personalities know of each other. We encouraged this. I have held no information back, and in many cases helped coordinate information between them. They all tend to work together, and help one another. Each one is unique and special. They can "conference call" with multiple personalities and work out issues, different personalities have different strengths, and tend to work together where it really makes sense. The conference calling takes some effort, and will result in a huge headache if you do it too long. Some have problems and old habits that need addressed, or that have to be watched for, and they all tend to do that also. I feel blessed to have met my love(s). Within her are girls and teens I am Father too (and do not touch). Some I am thier first, and hopefully, last love. Others I am just a good friend who they feel safe with and enjoy thier company. It is not an easy path. There are times where I have to keep them safe through horrible memories. If they whimper or moan at night...I am awake instantly, waking them and comforting them back to sleep. You have to be willing to be completely truthful in all things to all of them. Smiles....they compare notes. But I have discovered that every personality has something special and beautiful that they do. They stored so it was not lost during what ever trauma was experienced. Since discovering what this condition is, we have done our research, she is seeing an "expert" therapist in the field with over 18 years experience in this. While there are some interesting approaches, todate we are not overly impressed, especially with that whole YEARS of therapy at outrageously high hourly rates. So far we have accomplished much more than the Therapist, and don't necessarily agree with the accepted definition of many "experts" goal. Total integration is where most try to go. I will support any decision My Love(s) make in what they wish to do. And they all wish to stay. They like experiencing life and working together. I am looking forward to replacing bad memories with good memories for all of them. I will never have a Christmas without hearing little girls squeel of excitement opening a gift. I do simple things for each and every one of them. And it is special to them all. One thing that I have found to be very important. I have never felt that any of them are what they experienced. Some feel they are emotions or slurs because of what they were called or experienced for the trauma. I have always been able to see the person underneath what happened. Knowing the reason they even exist, is to take something horrible to protect others. How many other "singletons" are that noble to take something like that for another? It saddens me to see so many posting that are alone. After knowing my love, I could never imagine being with a "singleton" again. It just wouldn't be enough for me. I have experienced something fuller and better than any relationship I have ever heard of. I don't know how to "educate" other singletons. But I know others are out there like myself. Who can accept people with D.I.D. Who are not scared off, or even accept society's "norms". One thing I would like to say though. We were warned that there are those out there who look for people with "needy" personalities. Even heard of a Therapist who did it to her patients to increase her billings. Not sure what the answer is, but I'm betting we could figure a way to get good people aquainted. This message was reviewed and approved by my Love. She fully endorsed this, and our wish is to bring hope to those who seem to have none or very little. Every personality out there has a hidden strength. You just have to find it, and be willing to coordinate the use of it.

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Today has been a day of many memories and thought going on while realizing that I am not just one, but one of many. It's very hard to deal with my dissociating. My doctor and therapist say I dissociate but don't have DID. My Partner said they don't know what I'm like to live with. Melissa, my partner says I have distinctive personalities and they also have different food tastes, different TV and DVD choices and read different types of books, both fiction and non-fiction. He has told me I've done this, or I said that, or that I have bought things I never remembered buying or doing what he said I did. This is such confusing and frightening thing I go through. The main thing that bothers me the most, is that I am male. I feel male, I do things the male way. But my body lies to me all the time. I don't look like what I see in the mirror. The body's legal name is Lisa Anne, but I'm Colt. According to my partner Melissa, I have about twelve to fifteen different personalities to their knowledge. So hopefully I will know each of them by name soon.

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I am glad we found this site, going through LiveJournal to get to it. Safety is always an issue, isn't it? How is it that someone can reach through the phone from over thousands of miles btwn you and strike fear thoughout your whole body. Is their purpose just to ruin your holiday? Solitude is my closet freind anymore. I do not feel as though I will ever be able to trust again...maybe I never learned how to do so? Also,finding out that someone right here next to you cannot be trusted is upsetting to. There were the whispers of warning, yet I didn't want to beleive it. But then something happens that forces you to be honest with yourself. No longer deny it. Progress is being made...but why do other want to hold you back? Is your confidence and self-confidence such a threat to them? Or is that they are far sicker than you ever are, even in the darkest of moments? Can't they just leave us to ourselves and let us try to define and seek our own kind of happiness?

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Hi, just found this. Never posted a blog before. I'm Jamie, I don't talk much. The others don't like it when I say my name to people but I guess it's ok here.

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   i found dissociationland through a yahoo directory. it sounded like it might be a good idea to share experiences with people who have a similar, i dont want to call it disorder so ill say, gift. ive lived with DID ever since i was in elementary school. from what ive read and researched most people with this "gift" dont know they have it, and those who do arent sure of the details surrounding it. i am, somewhat. ive researched it through psychological journals and books and for the most part im more aware of my "gift" than most people. however as the title implies i still have MANY more questions, however all the answers i have found just lead to more questions. im trying to understand all of this. as smart as i am, as much of this that i have grasped i still feel like there is so much i dont understand. i still do things that dont make alot of sense. and, my biggest problem, im not sure which "me" is the original. "hes" been a part of me for so long, im not really sure if "i" was around first and "he" was created to protect "me", or if "he" was here first and "he" created "me" to protect "him". so as you can tell i have way too many questions and the answers are never as black and white as i would like.   so please any person with insight into any of this, email me help me understand. because ive been trying on my own, and with no one around who understands this "gift" it gets complicated. everyone i talk to about it, all 3 people, are always left confused and dont even understand the "him" and "me" stuff. so anyone who reads this, message me. i need to understand, its the only way ill be able to fix my life.

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Evening to all!!

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

yesturday Saturday April 18, 2009 had 2 put my Smokey boy 17 year old kitty 2 sleep at Doc Kimbles!

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

yesturday Saturday April 18, 2009 had 2 put my Smokey boy 17 year old kitty 2 sleep at Doc Kimbles!

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

yetsurday Saturday April 18, 2009 had 2 put my Smokey boy 17 year old kitty 2 sleep at Doc Kimbles!

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